It is finished...

As I am looking at the last few milliliters of Rituxin in the IV bag, the words "It is finished" flash like fireworks across my mind. All day today I have had a more positive feeling.  On the first day of this round they handed me a schedule for "the next round" in October, and I had to remind them that this was it, the last maintenance round.  I won't be back in the chair in October.  The IV machine beeps and Jesse, one of the RNs comes over and says "Done" before removing the bag from the stand and unhooking the tubing from my arm. Then removing the needle from the vein and clipping the ID tag from my wrist, she wraps the cotton ball over the tiny hole with coban and says, "you are free."

It is likely, she or one of the other nurses has used those same words on any of the other 15 days I have been in for an infusion in the last 2 years.  Like a whisper that your not sure you really heard.  They just didn't have much weigh before.  Some how, today, they seem more real.  Tasting and swallowing that cool refreshing water, the mirage has become real.  What is hoped for has come true.

My reason says that there are many possibilities in the future, this likely is not the end of my cancer  experience. Materially, in this world it is yet to happen.  Yet...

...It is finished.

I am not even sure why, but for some reason, there seems to be a significance here, beyond my reason.

A gnawing...

...a knowing beyond my reason...

...telling me that those words have a meaning beyond their daily use in our language.

Like so many truely spiritual things, they don't make sense, they may not even show up on the radar until we get there.  And we can't explain it to others until we look back, and even then, the explanation, the words do not convey the realness of the experience.  Very little words need to be said for those who have been there...a knowing smile may be all that is needed.  A shower in a mountain falls, the green flash before the sunset, the oppressive weight of the stars on a moonless night above treeline in the wilderness, the smile, indelibly creasing the face after floating through waist deep powder.

I am not looking back yet, I have no reasonable, cognitive explanation... the knowing is deeper than that.

"It is finished," is the trailhead to reality.

MTHFR!!!

What does MTHFR meant to you?  When I first heard it I didn't have a clue what it meant.  When I found out, I thought MoTHer F*#keR! It would have been nice if I knew about this sooner.  There has been a lot of progress in medical technology and knowledge since I started the cancer survivor journey.  There are a number of things that are common now that I can say that about... it would have been nice if we had that sooner...MRI, antigen therapies, PET scans... 

So what about this MTHFR?  Well, apparently it could be pretty important in my whole cancer journey.  My naturopath wrote the Rx to get it checked, I am pretty well sold on her expertise and value in my healthcare.  This MTHFR is a gene snip, polymorphism, or oops, depending on perspective.  Simply put, I have a Thymine where I should have a Cytosine, holy amino's Batman, my DNA is in a twist.  I will forego further explanation as far as the genetic explanation, mostly because it doesn't say much practically, and I  probably wouldn't get it right through the pink haze anyway. 

Practically it means a couple of things.  One of the first things I found out about it was that it can cause a clotting issue in the blood.  If I had other circulatory issues, it would be worth taking an aspirin a day to keep the blood a little thinner.  But at this point, that system is a go.  The second thing actually has more to do with the name.  MTHFR spelled out is methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase, an important enzyme responsible for the management of folate, a B vitamin.  Without going into the biochemistry, which I would only be wiki sharing anyway, basically it means that much of the folate in plants or in normal vitamin B supplements just goes right through me.  Folate is a pretty big deal in proper cell division and keeping cells from mutating i.e. becoming neoplastic.  Basically good folate levels = less chance of cancer.   So in a very real sense, I have been fighting cancer with one hand tied behind my back for the last 25 years.  Mostly I am just glad that I know about it now, because there is something I can do about it.  There is a folate precursor that my body can use, so I just need to supplement with some L-methylfolate to overcome my MTHFR snp.  Increasing the amount of dark leafy greens will help as well.  So take that cancer, and your MTHFR snipping sidekick!.  I am going to have a big bunch of organic cilantro and parsley on my haystack tonight. 

Moral of the story is checking your genes for more than just hershey squirts is probably a good thing.